Do you get kicks out of kicking and dragging people out of their houses or cars without a warrant? Do you get thrills from separating children from their parents and sending them to concentration camps? Do you like to shoot people whose "crime" is helping others? Do you get off watching films of the Nazi death camps? Do you want to make good money doing all these things? At ICE make your dreams come true!
Your country needs you -- bigly-- to defend American Culture from people who are not like us. FOTUS Trump and Dog Killer Noem tell us that criminals, thugs, and rapists have infiltrated the pure and innocent body of our great nation. It is time to take the gloves off and show them how Americans deal with this poison in our bloodstream - - by behaving like criminals, thieves, and rapists.
The objects you seek are easy to find. Most but not all have Hispanic names, brown skins, and dark eyes and hair. They are especially numerous in Californication, Minneasocialist, Chicago, Illanoise, and Portland, Oregasm.
I know you are eager to serve your country without reward. But if you join ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) you will receive a signing bonus of up to $50,000, a salary between $50,000 and $90,000, and performances bonuses of $10,000 a year. And you wanted to be a teacher, a nurse, a policemen or a fireman! Don't be a loser!
In addition to the big bucks, you get a package of federal benefits, including all health care, that will free you from the anxieties that keep loser Americans working at shitty jobs they hate. We know you despise higher education, but ICE will pay off your student loans if you have any.
If this isn't enough to tantalize you, you get a black balaclava to hide your identity, a bullet proof vest with the letters ICE emblazoned across the chest, and a shiny badge in gold plate, modelled after Trump's potty.
And did we tell you? ICE is waiving the age requirements. We will take you from 18 to Joe Biden. In fact, there are no requirements to join other than a criminal record or proof of being in the mob attacking the Capitol Building on January 6, 2021.
And here's the biggest bonus of all: an autographed photo of FOTUS with his bosom friends Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
