I'm sure you've heard what a huge success the Festival of Brexit was! Between march and November of last year, more than 238,000 attended, a huge proportion of the UK population of 68 million. You can be sure that those OAPs had the time of their life!
At a cost of a mere £120 million, the Exhibits featured the Astonishing Benefits and Successes of Great Brexit Britain. Here are just a few of the Great British Brexit Exhibits:
1. The Great British Boris Beer Glass. Based on the traditional British pint glass, it will be made entirely of glass and will stand 1000ft in height. It will hold enough beer to get the Russian Army drunk, thus forming a key part of national defense at this perilous time.
The Boris Brexit Glass is stamped with the traditional crown symbol to showcase the recovery of sovereignty through Brexit. Boris proclaimed dramatically that the new crown-stamped glass was a "Key Success of Brexit. It will be available for purchase in all good Tory pubs and shops.
People will be able to exchange these glasses for food or heat," he added. And thanks to the exciting but brief tenure of PM Liz Truss, they need to.
[Image: Design for the British Boris Beer Glass, marked with the word "PINT" and the Crown Symbol in large easy to see print for the myopic -- that is, all who voted for Brexit.]
2. The Big, Big, British Boris Bus. A timely reminder of the heady days of the Leave Campaign, when Boris & Co. told us that Brexit would claw back £350 million a week back to the UK to fund the NHS. The money has certainly come in handy since the outbreak of Covid.
The BBBBBus: Two different but similar buses will be in the exhibit. The public are allowed to vote for their favorite. Brexiteers have voted overwhelmingly for the first one. Pessimists prefer the second.
3. The Great British HGV Exhibit. Thousands of HGVs (Heavy Goods Vehicles) will line the main road leading to the port of Dover for six miles. That's miles -- not kilometers -- a poncy EU measurement. The trucks will not require drivers, because they won't be going anywhere -- which is a good thing -- given the shortage of truck drivers from the EU.
5. The Great British Food Exhibit, featuring Post-Brexit British Cuisine, which will remind us of the patriotic British diet of WWII with an added imperial touch. After cutting ties with the EU, it is surely appropriate to return our national dishes to prominence, with the occasional sexy twist, of course. Here are just a few of the delicacies that will be featured:
British Fusion Beans on Toast, with Jamaican Jerk Sauce. This gourmet dish can also be served without the sauce.
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British Spaghetti on Toast. Featuring the Finest Canned Spaghetti, grown on British Farms. Jerk Sauce optional. Real Jerks will stay in power. Be careful not to overcook.
Variations on these themes include SPAM on Toast, Sausage on Toast, and so, so many more delights. All can be served with exotic Empire touches, such as Ungrateful Americans BBQ Sauce, False Curry, Chutney, and the universally loved Brown Sauce.
The Food Exhibit will also include several perennial favorites that have long competed to be named Britain's National Dish, such as Chicken Tikka Masala, Bangers and Mash, and Fish and Chips with Mushy Peas.
In a gracious concession to democracy, the Great British Public was allowed to vote for their favorite dish. Ballots were available in the Mail, Express, and The Sun.
NB: Unfortunately, the high price of food forced the early cancellation of this exhibit. Food banks continue to carry the ingredients, thanks to care packages from Rwanda. The food banks will hopefully be heated, unlike your house.
Another exhibit features Liz Truss knocking down a wall of Styrofoam blocks, symbolizing the obstacles to economic growth, such as the NHS, social care, pensions, and disability payments. I wonder where she got that idea from?
No politicians were harmed in the making of the Festival Exhibits. Shame, in'it?
Brilliant
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