In a speech to journalists yesterday, Kaiser Wilhelm insisted he has seen “enormous evidence” that the so-called Spanish Flu Pandemic was produced in a laboratory in the USA. The German Emperor denounced American scientists for trying to develop the killer disease as a military weapon. “This is the vilest use of science since the invention of poison gas,” he fumed, apparently forgetting that Germany had used gas as a weapon first.
But the American scheme backfired on them, he said. The Kaiser went on to explain that lab facilities in America are primitive compared to those in the German Empire. “The amateur researchers at Fort Riley, Kansas, did not know how to handle such dangerous materials. Their carelessness resulted in the germ escaping from the lab and infecting thousands of soldiers being trained there. It soon spread beyond the military camp to the general populace, killing thousands more.”
“Unfortunately, the infected soldiers are not in Kansas anymore. They were sent in crowded ships to Europe to infest our beloved country, like human bombs. Now, as you know, many of our brave men have fallen ill. I rejoice that theirs are as well, in far greater numbers. Serves them right!”
“Germany will win this war,” he continued, “because we are the greatest nation on earth. And when we do, we will make the Americans pay a heavy price for their evil incompetence. Gott Mit Uns!” (“God is With Us!”)
When asked what his evidence for his claims was, the Kaiser repeated that it was enormous, but classified for security reasons. The questioner, a Swedish journalist, then mentioned that German Intelligence had concluded that the disease was not man made; that Americans did not create the germ, but were merely investigating it when it escaped. “Of course, isn’t that what I just said?” Little Willy replied. "Naturlich."
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